My Journey to Sobriety — and Why It Led Me to Write Be the Calm or Be the Storm

By Captain Sandy Yawn | Below Deck Mediterranean | Leadership & Recovery

How hitting rock bottom on the water taught me everything I know about leading with grace, grit, and purpose.

People know me as Captain Sandy Yawn from Below Deck Mediterranean on Bravo — the woman who runs a tight ship, makes hard calls under pressure, and doesn't back down from a challenge. But what many people don't know is that before I ever commanded a superyacht, I had to learn how to command myself. And that journey started with getting sober.

"I couldn't lead anyone else until I was honest about where I was failing to lead myself."

The Moment Everything Changed

There was a time in my life when the ocean was the only thing keeping me anchored — and even that wasn't enough. Like many people in high-pressure careers, I found myself turning to substances to cope with the relentless demands of life at sea. The long hours, the isolation, the weight of being responsible for every person on board. I thought I had it under control. I didn't.

Getting sober was the hardest thing I have ever done. Harder than any charter season on Below Deck Mediterranean. Harder than earning my captain's license. Harder than navigating a yacht through a storm in the middle of the night. Sobriety stripped everything away — the numbing, the noise, the stories I told myself — and left me face to face with who I actually was.

And slowly, painfully, beautifully — I realized I liked her.

What Sobriety Taught Me About Leadership

Recovery gave me something I didn't expect: clarity. When you stop running from yourself, you start to see people differently. You develop a deeper well of empathy. You understand what it means to be your worst enemy, which means you also understand how to be someone's greatest ally.

"Every principle in my book — staying calm under fire, making decisions with confidence, building a crew that trusts you — came directly from what sobriety taught me about accountability, self-awareness, and showing up fully present."

On a yacht, you can't hide. Your crew sees everything. Your guests see everything. And as captain, the tone you set flows through every single person on board. I learned that leadership isn't about being the loudest voice in the room — it's about being the most grounded one. That's where Be the Calm or Be the Storm was born.

Be the Calm or Be the Storm — The Book

When people ask me what my book is really about, I tell them it's a love letter to anyone who has ever felt like they were drowning — in their career, in their relationships, in themselves — and needed a lifeline. I wrote it for the person who is standing at a crossroads wondering if they are strong enough to change.

You are. I promise you, you are.

Drawing on my decades of experience as one of the few female captains in the superyacht industry, my journey through addiction and recovery, and the real-world leadership lessons from my years on Below Deck Mediterranean, the book explores how our greatest struggles are often the very thing that qualifies us to lead others.

The title itself is a question I ask myself every single day: Am I going to be reactive, chaotic, and destructive — the storm? Or am I going to be steady, intentional, and strong — the calm? The answer isn't always easy. But asking it is what makes the difference.

Why I'm Sharing This Now

For a long time I kept my sobriety private. I was afraid of being judged, of being seen as weak, of people changing how they looked at Captain Sandy. But the more I've opened up about it — in interviews, on Below Deck Mediterranean, and now in this book — the more I hear from people who say: me too. I needed to hear this.

That is everything. That is why I tell the story.

If you're struggling, please know that sobriety is not the end of a life you love — it's the beginning of one you never imagined was possible. And if you want to know more about the leadership principles that got me here, I hope you'll pick up Be the Calm or Be the Storm.